Once a boy was born, with a little thorn
Couldn’t feel the scorn ahead of him
As years went by, he could just cry
Heaved a deep-drawn sad sigh, it felt so grim

When he looked down, he had to frown, what disappointing sight
A tiny thing, a shrunken sting
Tragic cause of such a sad and sorry plight

The smallest dick on earth, in terms of length and girth
An object of wild mirth, it caused a life of dearth
The smallest dick on earth, ain’t no bigger curse
Nothing worse, the smallest dick on earth

The girl he met one day, a real good lay - what would she say?
“You’re a good lay”?
But she just yelled at him in such blunt dismay:
“Why don’t you get banged by some gay?’

The smallest dick on earth, in terms of length and girth
An object of wild mirth, it caused a life of dearth
The smallest dick on earth, ain’t no bigger curse
Nothing worse, the smallest dick on earth

The smallest dick on earth, in terms of length and girth
An object of wild mirth, it caused a life of dearth
The smallest dick on earth, ain’t no bigger curse
Nothing worse, the smallest dick on earth

Sagging noodle shape, balls like wee grapes, see …
He just had enough of pubes that were just fluff
The going got too rough – so better nothing than this
And in tears he chopped it oooooohohoffffffffffffff … Wooooooohooooohoooohoooohooooofff!

The smallest dick on earth, in terms of length and girth
An object of wild mirth, it caused a life of dearth
The smallest dick on earth, ain’t no bigger curse
Nothing worse, the smallest dick on earth
Ohohohoarrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The smallest dick on earth, ain’t no bigger curse
Nothing worse, the smallest dick on earth