Did you hear what he said? The hairdresser’s dead!
Cause she ate a horse and a half!
Greedy Judy, who’d get off stuffing her face,
Should’ve stopped at the horse’s calf

I overheard on the bus a tale about Guss
He’s an obsessive turophile
For his sweetheart, he expressed his undying lust
With most tasteful erotica
Made from cheddar and parmesan!

I love tittle tattle – I’m just a bit nosy
It keeps me so laid back and adds to my news stack
Gossip’s not girly: it’s adored by the burly
They spread it covertly

I was a young girl when my grandmother told me
“Find joy in snooping and hoard all good stories”
My anecdotes are mostly…all truthful: awesome!
Call me your gossip girl

Did you see the new owner of the bookstore?
So much hair! Her name is Lola
She’s a showgirl! Gorgeous! Who could ask for more?
Well, no minging body odour!

Vuk hates tourist folk, since he got such a fright
When one shouted in French “Ça va?”
Vuk then invited him to Angeli Bar…but dumped him blindfolded, alone
In a forest near Leskovac

I love tittle tattle like one about Lena:
She smuggles smurfs out but –  can’t get the blue stains out!
And Tim’s gone quirky…he was goosed by a turkey!
All the best gossip here

But some of my stories, they can get quite gory
The dirt on Tony: He lives to rape ponies!
Defending himself he said: “This equine disgrace?”
“Shagging sheep: *so* last year”

(Sheep: Yay! Yay! Yay!)

Join with me (and holler “ciao” to your mundane life)

(It can get groovy when you spread gossip shrewdly)

Become a rumour tart!

The gift Ben gave with much misogynist chutzpah
To his old girlfriend…was a brand new foot spa!

Before you all get stroppy, one juicy tidbit:

I’m a big chocolate slut!

…Always your gossip girl!