There were times in the days gone by
When the contest was smaller we had fun with only eighteen songs
Now it’s changed. Things are not the same
I’m not sure if it’s worse now. Am I right or am I wrong?

ESC – now there’s much more palaver
Travelling farther to watch your country lose
ESC – everything’s so much bigger
And I figure it’s all good news
ESC  - eastern Europe’s on board now
We’re less bored now, many more acts to see
ESC – and it’s now Graham Norton
Who’s quite short and can take the pee

Now the bands come on to the stage
Sing along to the click track
And their songs all somehow merge as one
Sven Olaf, Norrie Paramor
and the great Ossi Runne
Tell me where have those guys gone?

ESC – televoters all voting.
And I’m noting, juries don’t count as much.
ESC – somehow it’s so much duller
Much less colour (‘cept for the Dutch!)
ESC –songs are no longer fucked, there’s
no conductors, the orchestra’s history
ESC – but I still love the old ways
Ken and Tel’s days on BBC