There used to be a time when I lived normally.
My life was happy, really good.
Then came the day when all that changed quite suddenly.
All of the hobbies I pursued, I now sadly eschew.

It all started with one sneeze.
I shot snot all over Peter.
Then I deafened Auntie Rita,
And blew Beryl to her knees.

Ahh! Ahh!  Ah-Tishoo!! Tishoo!!
All the T.V. weathermen have named me, ‘Hurricane Ireen’!
I can fell trees.
Just one sneeze can cause pandemonia.
In Berlin, Kathmandu, and Blackpool’s promenade.

It all started with one sneeze.
Now I have my own gale warning.
I’ve been blamed for global warming,
Sickness, drought and Gouda cheese.

Life went downhill from that sneeze.
Now I can’t get me a fella.
He’d need a concrete umbrella,
To withstand my tsunamis.

Ahh! Ahh! Ah-Tishoo!! Tishoo!!
All across the whole wide world I’m known as - a catastrophe!
NASA wants to
Relocate me to Cape Canaveral.
Where I can launch rockets to the moon and the stars.

Ahh! Ahh! Ah-Tishoo!! Tishoo!!
All the doctors in my town have banned me - from their surgeries!
One day I hope,
I will not cause mass hysteria
In Benin, Tuvalu and Beirut’s medina.

Until then, I’m destined for a life that is fit for a nun

Hopefully, my problems will not spread from my nose to my bum!!