Reached out my hand, toggled a while
Scrolled through the list driving in a straight line
Give Me Your Love or Love Me Tonight
’T was one of the two that caused all of this strife, all of this strife

I barely survived being wrapped round that tree
Just fiddled around with the damn MP3
I somehow contrived to recall my own name
But couldn’t remember which song was to blame

They say I ought to have died, but I’m Still Alive

Lost both my hands, blind in one eye
And parts of the engine stuck straight through my thigh
To prise us apart the doctor declined
Instead he came armed with a surgical knife, surgical knife

Of limbs I’m deprived, multiple amputee
A veg’table state and I can’t even pee
How’m I s’posed to thrive when I’m totally lame
Apparently, maybe, my brain is inflamed

In time, guess week four or five, I’ll slowly revive
I pray the matron resigns – she’s such a fishwife (Fishwife, a fishwife)

A new guy arrives and he’s gay as can be
A cruel twist of fate, even loves ESC
I’ve lost my sex drive but he’s more than fair game
He sings Shady Lady with no sense of shame

But then I nosedive when he’s mid-What If We (But then I nosedive)
So he then decides to loop Cyprus ’03
No pleasure derived from this long waiting game (No pleasure, no pleasure derived)
My least favourite entry again and again

I’m barely alive but they won’t Hear My Plea (I’m barely alive)
I’ve nearly flatlined, such supreme irony
Just Feeling Alive, if I could I’d take aim (Oh, could I take aim)
A shooting spree, maybe then they’d feel the same (Feel it, they’d feel it alright)