Hump was a child when we thought the earth was flat
And a man was lucky if he lived passed thirty
Church was barbaric, like it is right now
Had a hut and a knife, and your toilet was the yard

Hump was a child when they used a guillotine
Any lass you’d fancy you could buy and marry
And the slightest fever killed you in a week
There was puss, there were lice in every person on the street

To get warm grab two sticks and rub together
Or find a spark along the way
Hunt for your dinner guided by the stars
When the Hump was a child the Crusaders ruled the land

Hump was a child long before they thought of porn
Need to spank your monkey, or to fluff that muffin?
Handful of pig fat and then you’re good to go
When the Hump was a child took a while but did the job

Want to call? Go and find a bird on tether
Scrawl out a line about your day
Roll it and tie it and hope it makes its mark
When the Hump was a child idle things were quite a task

So in short there’s a point I want to get at
Old is a word that understates
Euro song contests are best for younger lives
When the Hump was announced even Assia was aghast:

“What’s the time? Get my teeth they’re in the glass”