Living my life in lycra, that's what I do
Everyone says I'm crazy

Whoah-oh
(He even wears lycra shoes)

Nothing fits as well as stretchy fabric
I find wool too rough, and rubber's too thick
I feel bizarre in silk or polyester
But nylon makes me sweat, and so does leather

(Catsuit in bright red) So chic
(Catsuit worn in bed) So sleek
I love a nice unitard, so very sexy

Going to church in lycra, priest not amused:
Says I need whipping madly
Kneeling to pray in lycra down in the pew:
My bum seam's started ripping

Oww…oww…my cycle shorts are chafing badly
Oww…oww…*gasp*

I had enough of Earth, and so I flew away
The rocket took me to Mars, and far beyond, babe
My spacesuit had spandex tight crotchless panties:
My private parts got burnt up on re-entry :-(

(Shiny yellow trunks) Tight pouch
(In the wash they shrunk) Oh, ouch!
Sometimes this lifestyle is hard

Going on dates in lycra makes me look ace:
My bum seems pert and tasty
"Will you dress up in lycra?" I ask my date
She screams and leaves quite quickly

So blue (the ladies all say "Adieu"):
Loneliness drives me crazy
(Lycra's impractical too) So true

Oh dear…my camel toe is showing slightly
Oh dear…showing my lips is so rude!

(Living his life in lycra makes him feel blue)
I feel alone and rotten
Rotten (Everyone mocks his lycra, what can he do?) What can I do?
(Should he start wearing cotton?)

Should I throw out my lycra? Fit social norms?
That would make me a traitor
My heart belongs to lycra: I won't conform
So I'll tell lycra haters, so I'll tell lycra haters:
"F**k you!"