Based on Greece 1978

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Never will you meet a nicer fellow
Open-faced, approachable and kind
Gentle in his manner and so mellow
Wiping all the troubles from your mind

But a darkness lies beneath the surface
Pray to God he doesn’t know your crime
’Cause if you committed it on purpose
He will curse you till the end of time

Charming chaplain
Magic is his weapon and he wields it well
Charming chaplain
Dark avenging angel when he casts a spell
Charming chaplain
Murder? Treason? Fraud? To him they’re all the same
Charming chaplain
Turns you inside out and feels no shame

Charming chaplain
Charming chaplain

Not that every crime is treated equal
Tax evasion’s not infanticide
Fencing mightn’t see you get the needle
But that means he’ll poke one in your eye

’Cause he has no faith in your redemption
“Punish first, check later” is his creed
You might hope he’ll make the odd exception
And he does: first two heads, now you’ve three!

Charming chaplain
Arson? You’ll find fire ants inside your bed
Charming chaplain
Mafia? You’ll wake up with a horse’s head
Charming chaplain
D.U.I. ran over next door’s Pekinese?
Charming chaplain
Everything you drink will taste like pee

Charming chaplain
Charming chaplain
Charming chaplain