Based on Latvia 2014

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Back in the days of the Old Testament
When my humour was oh so dark,
How I loved making punishments for human beings,
Like “Hey man, go build an ark!”
Then I crammed their decks full of animals,
Pissed on them for 40 days,
And made them wed their family.
But my greatest claim to fame… was the day…

I had a snake to make. (Your God’s the King of Dicks.)
I had a snake to make. (I did it just for kicks.)
Said to Eve, “That fruit’s forbidden.
Touch it once, you’ll curse all women!”
Said the snake, “come partake!” (Knew she’d break.)

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Remember Lot, who led a holy life?
Turned his wife to a block of salt.
Killed a guy who spilled his precious seed.
Drove a Jew to child assault.
Slew a bunch of firstborn Egyptian kids.
Just for fun I removed one of Adam’s ribs.
Hey good news, I even razed Jericho.
Created reptiles that deceive… but today…

I have some kin to slay. (This won’t take long at all.)
I have some kin to slay. (And start a holy war.)
Hey there Abel, want a brother?
*Poof* I’m sure you’ll love each other!
Now go slay, now go slay, slay that Abe. (Abel’s slain.)

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I’ve got revenge to take. (Kids called a geezer bald!)
I’ve got revenge to take. (So 40 kids got mauled!)
Don’t believe my Godly rampage?
Click this link and read the webpage
On revenge, on revenge, that I take. (It’s not fake!)

Hey there Job, Satan’s here, made a bet, killed your pet.
Look here Job, killed your kids, and your wife, spoiled your life.
What’s that Job? Still devout? Can’t complain? Here’s some pain!
Hey now Job, question me?! Then repent!

I had to make a snake. (The deed that launched it all.)
I had to make a snake. (Or else I would’ve been bored.)
Don’t piss off your Dear Lord Father,
Or I will rip you another.
For God’s sake, for God’s sake, thus I spake!
(God, I’m a dick.)