Based on Switzerland 2014

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Looking for a guy who bakes
A handsome man who knows how to knead
With strong and sexy bulging arms
And the knowledge how to make éclairs

A yet with pertinence to care for the laundry
While offering to give a massage
If you think we could be a match
Then send a message tonight

Want you to mow
Want you to mow
‘Cause my lawn is growing
And the seeds need sowing
Broom and mop my floor
‘Cause the perfect guy is not afraid of chores
No no

*whistle*

Way too many guys, they say
‘No fats, no fems, and no asians at all’
But that’s silly, yes indeed
They might end up without love

If you can cook me a sturdy lunch
I might overlook your weight
Then tweeze my eyebrows and file my nails
And prepare tonight’s Gimbap

Want you to sew
Want you to sew
‘Cause my shirt needs mending
And my drinks need blending
Go! Answer the door!
‘Cause a little help is all that I demand

Then when evening falls
We’ll have a good time, we’ll have a good time
This will be your reward
I think you’ll like it, I know I will like it
It’s time you you slip into something nicer
Aussiebum’s new hot swimwear
I’ll bring my whiskey to the jacuzzi
And watch while you clean the filters!

 

Yet I’m alone
I’m all alone
No one is replying
Nobody’s replying
What did I do wrong?
Might be that this Tinder ad is slightly long?
Oh no

I cannot mow
I’m still left here trying
Now my lawn is dying
No, I must go on
Still hoping that you will be the perfect guy

Who knows
Just how to mow!
‘Cause my garden’s growing
And my pants need sewing
Roll and knead the dough!
‘Cause a little help is not too much to ask for, no

*whistle*