Based on Believe Me, Russia 2004

Relieved of my underwear
I clench my butt in despair
Not knowing what you will say
Can I keep them at bay?

In my bed, there you lay, unaware – mais non!
All that spicy pork and diet soda
Candy bars, Milky Ways, gummy bears
Have left my insides resembling Yoda

It grieves me – it’s just not fair
I could (but I wouldn’t dare)
Break my news right to your face
If I thought that you’d stay
I’d send you a silent prayer
In fumes that spell out ‘beware’
You’re oh so sophistiqué
No poutine dinners, eh

Fire away! That I may when we spoon, I fear
Deep inside of me there’s something dying
Have to face I’ve no choice ­– can’t defuse (nn-nn)
Issues that, you’ll see, are underlying

Relieving my mal de merde
I redefine ‘hot affair’
I trumpet, to my dismay
Guess you’ll leave, it’s too late
It’s damaged beyond repair
Unless, peut-être, au contraire
With Dutch ovens you’re au fait?
Please agree that you’ll stay
And you’ll see – love’s in the air