Based on Samo Shampioni, Bulgaria 2013

We’re the five million-y
With our cart and pony

Relatively speaking
We’re on the breadline
That’s why such dismay greets
Every screaming headline
Cuddly Mister Nazi
Why you talk so bitchy?
Smell the Balkan coffee
Migrating ain’t easy!

Xen-o-pho-bic?
Maybe you’re just lonely
We’ll come join you
We’re the five million-y
We will move to Barnsley
Settle down in Swansea
Live our dreams in Morecombe Bay
British are so friendly!

Now we’re six million-ies
…documents all phony

Free movement works two ways
Old man don’t get moody
Come here for cheap holidays
Hens and stags let’s par-tay!
“Yeeee-haa!”

*click* *click* *click*
*click, click, click, click, click*

*click, click, click, click, click*

[Sounds of sunburnt binge-drinkers
taking selfies and fighting]

*click* *click* *click*

Hee-eeee-eeeeeee
-e-e-ee-e-e-ee-e-ee
-e-eeyyy!
Faa-aa-a-ãăãăãă-ą
-aa-aa-a-ãăãăãă-ą
arr-āāāāgggge
Fuuuu-u-u-uuuuuu-
u-ŭůūů-u-ŭůūů-uūūūū
ų-ų-ų-ūūūū-u-ũũũũũũ
-ckYOU!!

[pause to gather statistics]

Xen-o-pho-bic?
We think you’re just moany
We’ll move in and
Make you feel all homely
Fix your house and
Serve your cannelloni
Wipe your arse when
You’re too old and lonely
Numbers peaked at… Whoops!
Eight thousand only

Screw you, Kipper and all your baloney!