Based on Katson sineen taivaan, Finland 1979

In this small town I’m number one
They say my front yard’s second to none
Beautiful plants…
Nourished by sun…
Best in the show, I won’t be out-done!

But an S.U.V.’s now wrecking my plans
I’ve observed tracks encroaching my land
She is at fault…
Neighbour next door…

Here is the note I left on her car:

“Can’t you see my boundary
From your four-by-four?
Take your dirty tyres
Off my *#&©%#@ lawn!”

“Quit making my garden
Flattened and forlorn!
Take your wayward driving
Off my *#&©%#@ lawn!
Off my lawn!”

Insolent cow knows I’ve been wronged
So, when she does not care to respond
Taking my key…
I scratch some more…
Menacing words on her driver’s door

Next thing I know, she’s got a man!
See, parked outside, his filthy white van!
Dirty smoke fumes…
Poisoned exhaust…

Now the whole street backs my moral cause:

“We like lovely gardens
Yours is an eye-sore
Take your wayward driving
Off this *#&©%#@ lawn!
Don’t respond with silence!
Don’t reply with scorn!
Cease your acts of violence
On this *#&©%#@ lawn…”

(“Please! This flaming tyrant won’t quit her Turf War!”)

“Just park on your driveway!”

“Not… my….
*#&©%#@
LAAAWWWNNN!!”