What to do? What to say? Dangly earrings, cheques not clearing, who’s to pay?
Tensions brew, who’s to blame? Romper suits with zip-up boots and disarray (moi moi moi moi moi… moi moi)
Just like received wisdom says: strings and arm waves heighten the…
Melodrama (hotel views), melodrama (queues for loos)
Hands on hips and ego trips and melodrama (don’t amuse)
Melodrama (shocking news), melodrama (Swiss Air crews)
Pleated dresses, cold compresses, melodrama (lost our shoes)
Goats in postcards – ai ai ai ai ai!
No Swiss coastguards – ai ai ai!
Glockenspiel, back-door deal, pides and doners and sex appeal
Roulette wheel, three-course meal, visas and dancers in rouge and teal (ai ai ai ai ai!)
Big reveal, cop a feel, guilders and deutschmarks, the usual spiel (ai ai ai ai ai!)
Pink press coup, fans are gay, Swedish remix, Moslem edicts, dance and pray
Spain makes two, France won’t play, Roman ruins, no collusion, qu’est-ce qu’on fait? (Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah… mwah mwah)
Conga drums and hirsute men, hint of swivelling hips and then…
Melodrama (slapdash crew), melodrama (not a clue)
Frocks with dots, odd camera shots and melodrama (camera two?)
Melodrama (Spanish flu), melodrama (much ado)
Mad conductor, superstructure, melodrama (music cue)
Lots of pointing – ai ai ai ai ai!
Task so daunting – ai ai ai!
Circumstance, sidelong glance, bidders and sponsors and network rants
Second chance, buy off France, villas and chauffeurs, no moral stance (ai ai ai ai ai!)
Belly dance, leather pants, homos and promos and happenstance (ai ai ai ai ai!)
Melodrama (fashion muse), melodrama (what to choose?)
Beards and ’taches, glued-on lashes, melodrama (mixed reviews)
Melodrama (schmoozing Jews), melodrama (nout to lose)
Quaint Swiss chalets, mounting malaise, melodrama (patent ruse)
Knees a-bending – ai ai ai ai ai!
Verdict pending – ai ai ai!
Melodrama (neon blue), melodrama (fuchsia too)
Fluoro lighting, no one’s biting, melodrama (garish hue)
Melodrama (rendez-vous), melodrama (où es tu?)
Black and white, no points in sight and melodrama (je t’ai cru)
Melodrama (friends so few), melodrama (sad but true)
4 from Yugo’, they got douze so melodrama (nothing new)
Melodrama (threats to sue), melodrama (EBU)
Host is sceptic, HOD dyspeptic, melodrama (overdue)
Melodrama (bottom two), melodrama (what to do?)
Hair aplenty, still ranked twenty, melodrama!
